Can You Really Milk A Baby?
Posted on January 20, 2007
In a magnanimous gesture of international goodwill, the Beijing Health Bureau is taking drastic measures to be certain that guests at the 2008 Olympic Games won’t worry about contracting exotic foodborne illnesses and suffering explosive deaths from dining in the Chinese capital. They are imposing - wait for it - a health and sanitation code. It must be true, because I read it on Reuters in this article. Incidentally, that’s where I also learned that babies give milk, and that some bastard in China had the nerve to substitute sullied fake baby milk for the real thing in 2004 - with deadly results!
Fake baby milk? Is that fake milk from babies, or milk from fake babies? Who at Reuters hired the precocious four-year-old with the cornflower crayon to edit the news? God preserve them for keeping me a-titter with the incongruous mental imagery of human dairy products for years to come. Someone tell Beauregard in payroll that I said to give the kid with the crayon a raise, and someone else bring me a cold glass of real Chinese baby milk, tout de suite!
And, back to China, if only because we began there: I gathered that Beijing is the only city affected by the crackdown on food service practices, so I would imagine that medium-rare snails, raw snake blood and squealin’-fresh monkey brains are still available in hi-klass, non-Beijing establishments throughout the populous nation of über-omnivores threatening to eat every living species into extinction. I’m only guessing. But, according to Cha Xiu Bao, one of our sources in China, one can still find expertly prepared raw pork in Yunnan province. But you never did have to worry about your penis in Beijing, since undercooking it would leave it a bit rubbery. Trust me on this. I’m a chef.
» Filed Under In The News, food and drink
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